As a veteran of dozens of beer festivals and with the Örebro fest only a few weeks away I thought it might be useful to give you a quick 10-step guide on how to survive your next beer-athon.
1) The secret to a successful festival is planning. As Benjie Franklin once said, “by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail”. To be fair he was probably talking about national politics and not beer – but he still had a good point. What to do want to get out of your festival? Do you want to scoop some new beers, spend some one-on-one time with your favourite brewers or simply drink as much as you can before they shut the hall? Plan accordingly – visit the festival’s website to get a list of the exhibitors and beers available. Make a list of the ones you really want to try and stick to it!
2) Before you get to the festival eat something. Drinking beer all day after a spinning session and a light salad isn’t going to cut it people. You’re more likely to go down faster than Zlatan in the penalty box. If you’re going to a beer festival you’re probably not that bothered about carbs – so line your stomach with stodgy foods like pasta, burgers or palt. But not all of them at once, otherwise you won’t have any room for the beer.
3) Don’t – I repeat don’t – start drinking before you get to the festival. There’s often literally hundreds of beers to try inside so don’t be tempted to kick things off early. Festival organisers place a lot of emphasis (and money) on health and safety and if you turn up drunk there will probably be a guy looking like a condom full of walnuts (often called Johan) who will spin you around and send you on your way.
4) Never drive to or from a festival. Check out public transport links or get a group of friends together and share a cab. Remember that things get pretty crazy at closing time so it’s always best to get in early and leave an hour before lock-down.
5) If you have specific questions about a particular beer and want to have quality conversations with the good people working behind the stands get to the show early. After a couple of hours it will get more crowded than a Systembolaget store on a Friday afternoon and you won’t be able to hear a word.
6) Don’t come to the show wearing a t-shirt that looks like this, or anything else remotely like it. If I’m there and working behind a stand I won’t serve you. I promise.
7) Protect your official festival glass as though your liver depended on it. It’s the only thing exhibitors are supposed to pour beer into. Without it you’re about as useful as a one-legged ice hockey player.
8) Drink water – and don’t give me any crap about beer being 96% water. It doesn’t wash with me. Alcohol is dehydrating, so when you’re rinsing your glass out between beers take a quick swig of water.
9) Don’t get fooled by the small sample measures you’re trying – they all add up! At most fests you can try a 20cl sample or pay a bit more for a large measure (around 40cl). If you try 20 samples that’s 4 litres of (often) high octane beer with ABVs that could stop a grown elk in its tracks. Pace yourself!
10) Most importantly enjoy yourself! Beer festivals are great place to experience new beers and meet fun people. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to the girls and guys working the stands – that’s the reason they’re there and they really like nothing better in life than to talk beer with you.
